


these little words (somehow they're changing us)

by bangin_patchouli



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Character Death, Panic Attacks, Some Swearing, The Raven Cycle - Freeform, also this is how i communicate, but he has friends, but i mean its ronan come on, gansey is hurt, h/c, i cant tell if this is platonic or not, i dont tag things in order, trc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6081396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangin_patchouli/pseuds/bangin_patchouli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan was all too familiar with abominable dreams. For him, escape was inconceivable. He just didn't want anyone -any of the people that he cared about- to have to bear what he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	these little words (somehow they're changing us)

**Author's Note:**

> hello im sorry for not writing and I hope this makes up for it. the title is from "you are enough" by sleeping at last

* * *

-

      It had to be at least 2:30 in the morning. Ronan wasn't sure. All he could perceive was the road in front of him and the road behind, and the odious, unrelenting thoughts whirring through his brain. His fists were white-knuckled around the steering wheel, the incensed Celtic music pouring from the speakers, and Ronan couldn't decide whether to turn left or go straight, to go home or keep going, to where ever his unconscious emotions wanted to take him. Maybe they wanted to take him of the side of a cliff. His veins were screaming with the alcohol he'd downed not 30 minutes ago, and he was already so out of touch that he couldn't even tell if he was screaming as well.

      Ronan didn't know he was home until he was. The BMW was already pulled in front of Monmouth Manufacturing, beside the Camaro, before he noticed. Only one light was on that Ronan could see through the window, and there was no sound other than the crickets that inhabited Henrietta's every inch. Ronan stepped up to the door, twisting it open and stumbled in. His eyes were so accustomed to seeing through the booze, and he searched around the room with ease for any sign of Noah or Gansey. His stomach felt weighted, and his chest felt tight. Ronan had felt this enough times to know that something was out of place.

      "Gansey?" Ronan called out, voicelessly cursing himself for the intemperance in his voice. Gansey hated it when he drank. In response to the silence that greeted him, Ronan walked farther into the warehouse, finally seeing the unsightly yellow desk light. The faded, archaic blue couch corner came into view as well, and a body soon after that. It was Gansey's body, in fact, and he was tucked into a compact ball, his knees brought up to his chest. Ronan stood to the side of the room, looking at Gansey. He belatedly saw Noah standing in a faint, pale shape in the doorway of Gansey's room. Ronan took another step in, and Gansey didn't even move. His hazel eyes were glassed over, focusing on nothing physical. Ronan strode quietly over and grabbed Noah's arm, lowering his lips next to Noah's ear.

      "What happened?" he whispered, ferocity buried under the quiet. Noah shrugged, his lusterless eyes displaying distress.

      "He started reading, and I left. But when I came back, he was just... sitting here." Noah whimpered the last part, his voice sounding helpless. "I can usually shake him out of it, but this time..." Noah murmured, shaking his head. Ronan felt his muscles tense. _Usually?_ He let go of Noah's arm and warily moved to stand in front of Gansey. Ronan was almost hesitant to touch him, but he reached out his hand and placed it on the side of Gansey's arm.

      "Gansey?" Ronan said again, this time at a lowly voiced whisper. Ronan knelt before Gansey, and it felt like all the intoxication had been removed from his body at once and he was suddenly aware of everything. He was aware of Gansey's breathing, quickened but quiet, and the paleness of his cheeks, the panic in his eyes, the tight grip on his grey sweatpants, and his bottom lip arduously trapped between his teeth.

      "Ronan, what do we do?" Noah asked in a timid voice from behind him.

      "I-I don't know," Ronan mumbled, gripping Gansey tighter. "Gansey, you with me?" he said, his voice rising in volume. Gansey's eyes negligibly focused, training on Ronan's face. His cheeks lost their ashen shade, immediately reddening to a cerise.

      "Ronan?" Gansey breathed, one of his hands finding its way to Ronan's tight shirt sleeve.

      "Hey," Ronan whispered, desperately attempting to conceal the lump in his throat, just like he always did when Gansey got like this. It was like they had an intangible link that let the other feel, or feel the side effects, at least, of the other. "What happened?"

      At this point, Noah had slipped over the arm of the couch and was pressing himself next to Gansey, as if his glacial temperature could help. Maybe it did. Noah had lifted his hand to gently clasp Gansey's shoulder, and it _did_ seem to help.

      "I was reading, and I fell asleep, like usual, but the dream I had this time..." Gansey mumbled, and Ronan's heart skipped a beat. As the three of them knew, Ronan was all too familiar with abominable dreams. For him, escape was inconceivable. He just didn't want anyone -any of the people that he cared about- to have to bear what he did. Gansey had stopped speaking, just staring at nothing.

      "It's okay," Noah assured placidly, right near Gansey's ear. Gansey blinked once, looking back to Ronan.

      "It was exactly like when you left tonight, except I left right after, following you, I suppose," Gansey explained, his hand remaining on Ronan's shirt sleeve. "I lost you for a while, but when I found you... Oh, God." Gansey squeezed his eyes shut before explaining the rest. "You would have thought you were dead," Gansey said with a humorless laugh. "No, you were alive, but the car.. It _crushed_ you, and there was blood _everywhere_." Ronan presumed it was much more graphic than Gansey was describing.

      "Hey, I get those," Ronan said, trying to compensate, because he knew exactly how it felt to have an image, real or not, shoved at you and permanently etched into your brain for eternity.

      "I know, I'm sorry, it's just that..." Gansey inhaled heavily, the small sound of it shaking, just like his hands. "When I woke up you were still gone, and I called you. You didn't answer, and I guess I just... froze." Noah's arm had snaked gradually around Gansey's shoulder, and Gansey seemed to lean into Noah.

      "I'm here, okay?" Ronan said, clemently grasping Gansey's shoulder. Faintly, Ronan heard an annoyed _kerah!_ "I won't leave." He stood up then, meaning to go to Chainsaw and feed her. He leaned down, next to Noah. "Don't leave him." Noah nodded, and it was enough for Ronan to leave Gansey briefly.

-

      Noah was used to Ronan's nightmares. Hell, it would be unusual if he _didn't_ have them. But Gansey? Gansey was normalcy, he was steady in the fact that he was there, reading about Welsh kings and ley lines until 4 o'clock in the goddamn morning. If Gansey could be brought down, so could the rest of them. It was an alarming thought.

      "Hey, come with me," Noah said softly, gently squeezing his arm around Gansey's shoulder. Gansey stayed encompassed in Noah's side as Noah stood, so Gansey followed suit. Noah haled Gansey, who came with little effort toward his disheveled bed in the center of the room. Noah brought him around his replica of Henrietta and mildly sat down with Gansey, continuing to keep his arm around Gansey's shoulder. He yearned to reach his hand just a little bit farther and touch Gansey's cheek, where florid blush still resided.

      "Noah," Gansey said, lying down on his side, his comprehensive hazel eyes staring wearily staring up at Noah. "Do you sleep?" Noah guessed that Gansey was only asking him this because he was lethargic, that he wouldn't have stated his question so blatantly if he hadn't just been scared out of hit wits.

      "No," Noah said, a small smile edging onto his lips at the look on Gansey's face. He truly did look like a different person when his outside mask was withdrawn. His eyes were beginning to blink more slowly, and his fist was faintly curling up around the dark blue faded sheets. "Not anymore."

      Just as Gansey's arm was about to slip out from under his head, Noah scooted back and let Gansey's head drop into his lap. The last time he had done this was when he was alive, with various girls who had showed up at some party he'd gone to for a reason he couldn't recall, and he found his fingers wanting to thread themselves through Gansey's ruffled tawny hair. He did do that, figuring it wouldn't hurt, that it might, in fact, help. Gansey's hair was soft, Noah guessed it was natural, and as Noah persisted with his gentle strokes, Gansey pressed his face into the ever-constant fabric on Noah's thigh. As his fingers kept moving and Gansey became evermore tired, Noah let his eyes and mind alike wander.

      It could have been fifteen minutes, or an hour, but Noah was soon being snapped out of his thoughts by Ronan coming into view around the corner. The latter stopped momentarily to regard the way in which Gansey's head rested in Noah's lap, but he most likely decided to overlook it as he sat down, with grace Noah did not know he possessed, on the bed beside Gansey's body.

      "Well," Ronan said quietly, "that was shitty." That, in Ronan's way, was the best manner in which to describe their night. "I called Parrish." Noah widened his eyes in silent query. "Figured he'd want to know." Of course he would. "He said he was coming over. 'Immediately' is what I think he said. So any minute now."

      As Ronan spoke, Noah heard three knocks on the door; one long, two short. Adam's signal. Ronan stood, left, and came back with Parrish by his side. Adam looked anxious but unsure of what to do, but he took the few steps to Gansey's bed slowly, until he was standing right in front of Noah, in front of Gansey. He didn't seem to detest the position that Noah and Gansey were in. Ronan sat back down on the mattress, seeming to do it gently as not to disturb their sleeping friend. Noah, using his mostly free right hand, patted the spot beside him. Adam, keeping his eyes on Gansey the entire time, moved to the spot which Noah motioned to.

      "Is he... okay now?" Adam asked, hesitating on the 'okay', because obviously no, he was not. Sleeping in Noah's lap was not a habitual act of Gansey's. Really, it was all out of place, but they were all so used to oddities, being Gansey's friend and all, that they chose to ignore most of it.

      "I don't know," Noah said, lightly shrugging his shoulders. "But at least it wasn't as bad as it was earlier." At that Ronan caught Noah's eye briefly. "He's okay, for now."  


      Noah was sure they wouldn't speak directly about that night in the future, not even in the morning. If things like this ever happened, which way far too often for Noah's liking, they never did. They all just desolately tried their best not to let it happen again.  


      None of them left Gansey's bed that night. He was always the one taking care of all of them, no matter their problems, so they all felt, they all knew, it was their turn to make sure he was just as okay as the rest of them, at least for the time being.  


**Author's Note:**

> so basically im trash!!!! who ships Gansey with everyone


End file.
